The Hangover
by the lie written in ink
Summary: CRACKFIC. AU. Kai is kidnapped by the Japanese Mafia, Tala marries a male prostitute, Tyson is raped by an angry cop stripper, and no one can remember what happened last night...oh, and Kai's wedding is tomorrow.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE****;;  
**So, get this. I just got back from seeing The Hangover, the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I decided 'I can only imagine…' so somehow, I made this. It's basically a knock-off of the movie, but I'm not copying everything…just the general idea, a couple scenarios and such. If you saw the movie you'll see it. Oh, right, almost forgot the disclaimer.  
Ahem.  
DISCLAIMER.  
I DO NOT OWN BEYBLADE OR THE MOVIE **THE HANGOVER**. HOWEVER, I DO OWN ANY OCS I THROW IN. THIS INCLUDES CORKY, GEORGIA, HER PARENTS, THE JAPANESE MAFIA (not the actual gang, just the people that you see that are in it), AND ANY OTHER UNRECOGNIZABLE CHARACTERS THAT MAY APPEAR.  
Thank you and enjoy.  
Ah! And review.

* * *

Kai sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He was not pleased. Not that he would admit it, but his fiancée convinced him to bring her annoying older brother with him on his bachelor party to Las Vegas. Now, get him wrong; he was nice to her family. They would be his soon, too. But her brother was just…not right in the head. He was the most idiotic person Kai has ever met.

For one thing, his name was Corky. What the fuck kind of name was 'Corky'? When Kai first met him he asked if that was his real name, and was shocked to discover it was. "Dad was….out of it," (or, in other words, totally wasted) Georgia had replied when Kai asked her. Corky was the 'accident' child, produced in the backseat of a cab after a drunken party out of town. He was born in the car on the way to the hospital, where the said parents were also drunk. So, Kai admittedly wasn't that surprised when he met Corky and his…peculiar attitude.

Somehow, Tala had convinced Kai to have the party in Las Vegas. Kai always wanted to go there, but never got the chance, and when Tala suggested it Kai almost instantly agreed. Why the hell not? It was his last night being a single man before he married Georgia. Don't get him wrong, he loved that girl. She was intelligent, belligerent, spunky, fun, and most of all, beautiful. But sometimes she was a bit too controlling, so it was nice to get out before he married her.

"Dude," Tyson said as they stood in the small room, mirrors propped in front of them. They all stood there in their suits, the ones they were going to wear at Kai's wedding. Tyson, Tala, Kai, and Corky. Corky seemed upset at his, fixing it and snapping at the poor man trying to get his measurements. "I can't wait for tonight. LAS VEGASSS!"

Kai rolled his eyes but Tala pumped his fist and let out a whoop.

"HELL YEAH!" he agreed.

Corky also threw his arms in the air enthusiastically. "Yeahhhh, Vegas! Hookers and booze and mafia…"

Kai's eyebrow shot up. "What…?"

Corky said nothing. Tyson snickered and Tala gave the disturbed man a high-five.

"No hookers for me, guys," Tyson said with a sigh. "Hilary can smell women perfume from miles away."

"Pfft, hookers don't wear perfume," Tala rolled his eyes. Kai sighed. What idiots he had as friends.

"They do too," Corky said. "I would know."

"I'm sure you would," Kai said, fixing his suit jacket. "Hey guys, do you think this looks okay?"

"Looks great man," Tala said. "Though, it'd look better off."

"Shut up Tala."

"HAHAHAH. TALA YOU'RE SUCH A FAG!"

"Shut up Tyson, I meant with hookers."

"Tala, we're not getting hookers," Kai growled. "I'm getting married in two days."

"Ugh, I know," Tala groaned. "Don't remind me. I'll be the only single one. Other than Corky."

"WHAT!?" Corky asked from the corner of the room, where he had been doing god knows what.

"Er, nothing," Tala said turning back to Kai. "Anyway. Man, we need to get wasted and party. Fer cereal."

"No one says 'fer cereal' anymore," Tyson rolled his eyes.

"No grown _man_ says fer cereal," Tala corrected. "Do I look like a grown man to you?"

Tyson opened his mouth to reply when Tala cut him off with a, "Never mind."

Tyson grinned. "I was gonna say yes, except for your penis."

Kai made a disgusted face. "Tyson, you're such an idiot…"

"I KNEW IT. YOU ONLY LOVE ME FOR MY HAIR!" Tyson wailed, clutching his crazy blue hair and sobbing dramatically. Kai rolled his eyes. Tala snickered.

"No one would love your hair, Tyson."

Kai smirked. "I have to meet up with Georgia in an hour. Let's get dressed, and I'll pick you guys up later."

"Alright man," Tala said, waving lazily. "See you later."

Kai nodded, turning to get dressed. Once he was out of his suit and in his jeans and shirt, he headed to the café nearby where Georgia had said to meet up. Although he was a bit weary about letting them take Corky home, he was sure his future brother-in-law would be okay. Tala was an idiot, but not a big enough idiot to lose a grown man…probably…oh shit. Hopefully Tyson would keep him in line.

Once he arrived, he headed inside, spotting Georgia waiting for him near the counter with a cup in front of her…iced green tea with one pack of sugar; her favorite. She looked so perfect right there, sitting there in her sweater and skirt, that solemn expression on her face. She even had her long brown hair tied back in a ponytail, which she rarely did. It showed her pretty face more.

He sat in front of her, smiling when she looked up.

"Kai," she greeted, and smiled. "Did you get the suits ready?"

"Yeah," he said. "Everything's ready. Don't worry, the weddings going to be great."

She smiled again. "No, I know that. I'm just so jittery…and it doesn't help you're not going to be here tomorrow."

Kai reached forward to grab her hand. "It'll be okay. I'm coming back way before the wedding, don't worry."

She smiled at him, batting those long lashes at him. "I know."

He pulled his hand back. "So did your cousin fly in yet?"

"Ah, yeah he did," she said. "I picked him up a couple hours ago. Oh, weren't you planning to leave soon?" she asked in worry, glancing at her watch. Kai smiled.

"Yeah, I better leave," he stood and so did she. He grabbed her, pulling her into him and kissed her gently before pulling away. She smoothed his hair and kissed his nose sweetly.

"I love you," she said.

"Love you," he replied before he turned and walked out the door. He drove straight from the café to Tala's house, where the three boys ran out. Tala, being the idiot he is, decided he'd try to jump in the passenger seat through the open window, and ended up stuck with his ass sticking out of the window.

"God damnit Tala," Kai sighed as Tyson tried to push him in from behind. Corky, meanwhile, was laughing his ass off in the backseat. Tala clung to the edge of the seat as Tyson pushed and shoved the red-head's ass, before finally he popped on through, toppling onto Kai.

"TALA. DAMNIT."

"My bad."

Tyson slid in next to Corky and Tala sat down properly. Kai rolled his eyes, already dreading bringing them along. He drove forward, almost growling when Tyson piped up.

"Yo guys, if we _do_ get hookers, don't tell my wife, okay?"

"Tyson, we're not getting hookers."

"You never know, it's Vegas. They might come falling through the roof."

"Tala, shut the fuck up."

"Ouch. I'm hurt, Kai. I'm hurt bad."

Corky chortled.

"Shut up Corky."

He hung his head. Tyson pat his back comfortingly and Tala eased back in his seat. Kai ignored them all, focusing on the road. With these idiots around, you never knew what could happen.

* * *

"OOOOOH SHIT, MAN."

"Shut up, Tyson!"

They had arrived, and man was the hotel nice. Corky was nearly hyperventilating, Tyson was making these obnoxious 'WHOOOHOO' sounds, and Tala was wolf-whistling and doing these weird movements of apparent glee. They slid out of the car, carrying what luggage they did have and let the employee waiting by park their car.

Once inside they headed to the front desk. Kai put his arms on it and looked at the man behind it, who looked up when they walked over.

"I have a room under Kai Hiwatari," Kai said.

"Dude, you're not paying for this right?" Tyson asked. Kai shrugged.

"I _am_ rich," he said slowly. "Don't even think about making a big deal about paying it. I don't need it, bachelor party or not."

They fell silent in agreement.

"Alright," he said, handing Kai a hotel key. "Thank you very much. You already put on your credit card, right?"

"Right," Kai said, taking the card key and turning, leading the other boys to their room. Once there, they piled in and kept making annoying awed noises that got on Kai's nerves. The suite was huge, and nice, and Kai was used to this….but apparently, the others weren't. Tyson was running around, hysterical, Corky went straight to the open bar, and Tala was all over the place, like he was on cloud nine. Kai just brought his luggage to his room calmly. Once he had his things ready, he returned to the main area where the other boys were waiting.

With wine.

Oh, great.

"A toast," Corky offered, lifting his small glass. Kai sighed wearily but picked one up, the one they had poured for him, and raised it wearily as well. All four boys took a large gulp, making faces before sighing at the same time, content.

"Where to first?" Tyson asked.

"The whore house," Tala suggested.

"For the last time Tala, we're not hiring hookers," Kai growled. Corky giggled.

"I can be a hooker!" he cried out. "I can do the strip tease and everything."

"No thanks man," Tala snickered. "No one wants to see that."

Kai sighed. This was going to be a _long_ night.

* * *

"Ugh...nnn…"

What the hell happened last night? That was what Tala wanted to know. He shifted, eyes fluttering open, head pounding. He slowly sat up with a groan, rubbing his head and looking around groggily. What. The. Fuck.

It was like a hurricane went through the room. The couch was burning, the mattress from his room was perched against the wall with vomit dripping down it, and everything else was just…all over the place, ripped and torn and gross. Again, what the _FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?_ He couldn't remember a thing after toasting in the room. Then they left, got in the car…he didn't remember what happened after that.

He groaned again, clutching his head. He needed water. He stumbled to the kitchen area, side-stepping a naked, passed-out Tyson, and opened the cabinet to get a glass. After downing ice-cold water, he felt better and padded off to find Kai when suddenly the bathroom door slammed open. Corky stumbled out, clad in what looked like a stripper's dress, and slammed the door close, pale and panting.

"What the fuck, man?" Tala asked, giving him a look. Corky turned to him with wide eyes.

"Um, dude. There's a fucking _bear _in the bathroom."

Tala's eyebrows shot up. "A bear?"

"A bear," Corky confirmed. "A fucking breathing, growling, clawed, _bear_."

"You're shitting me," Tala said. He stood, shoving Corky away and opening the bathroom door. He peered inside, scanning the large bathroom…eyes landing on the figure in the bathtub. A bear was in there alright.

"Corky, it's a guy in a bear suit."

"Oh…."

Tala rolled his eyes, walking inside and stopping next to the tub. The body was lying in the tub, jeans draped across its shoulder and a pair of rubber ducky boxers stuffed between it's arm and the edge of the tub. He yanked the fake head off the passed-out figure, and blinked dully at the girl under it. She had cropped blonde hair streaked with light blue, her pale skin clashing with her half-lidded grey eyes. She was cute, alright…but what the fuck.

She seemed to snap out of it when her head was pulled off. She looked up at Tala with wide eyes, screamed, spasmed then started laughing. Tala stared at her oddly, still holding her bear head.

"Who are you?"

"Who are _you_?" she slurred. "God, I'm having the worst hangover."

Tala handed her the head and she took it. "Ei, where's th'sexboat…Key…blade…"

"Kai?"

"Y'hm," she mumbled.

"Dunno. Probably cursing us, lying in his bed…"

She snorted, giggled, and then almost pissed herself laughing. Was she still drunk? As if reading his mind, she turned to him happily.

"Sorry, when I'm having a hangover…I act drunk…b'mnot…heheh. Sowwy."

Tala groaned. "What happened last night?"

"You hired me, fer one," she pointed to herself and scrunched her face up. "We made out a bit, I think. M'not a whore. Imma child…performer…but y'hired me 'nyway. Since y'had this 'no hooker' policy…" she burst into laughter at this. Tala, annoyed at this point, grabbed her bear head and shoved it back on.

"Leave," he said firmly before turning and walking out of the bathroom. Tyson, by this time, was sitting up, all exposed, rubbing his head and whimpering to himself. Ignoring him, he walked toward Kai's room when Corky darted out, nearly running into him. Thank god he changed into regular clothes by then.

"Um, Tala?" he stuttered.

Tala was about to reply when Tyson yelped. "FUCK. WHERE ARE MY PANTS?"

Tala turned to him. "I think the bear has them…"

"THE BEAR!?"

"Tala!"

The frustrated red-head spun to a frantic-looking Corky. "_What_?"

"Um," the smaller man looked nervous. "Yeah. Uh. I can't find Kai."

"…." Tala felt his jaw drop. "What did you just say?"

Corky bit his lip. "….we lost Kai."


End file.
